I've encountered a variety of responses to a simple question - "Hello. Do You Know the Time?"
- It's 6:45.
- "Sorry, I don't have a watch."
- Ignore
- "What's the matter? You can't say please!"
One may encounter people who act or react out of the normal range of behavior.
Yes, we must try to be sensitive to people's sensibilities. But we can train ourselves to not be ruffled by those who respond in a aberration to the normal.
The Rambam wrote about a person who was traveling on a ship. He was sleeping under the stairs. A wealthy individual, who disdained the poor man decided to urinate on him. The poor man, was surprised but not upset or ruffled by this gross demonstration of disrespect.
The poor man was actually happy. He said it was one of the happiest days of his life. When he reached a level to not be upset by the behavior of others towards himself, he realized that he was truly independent. Independent from the thoughts and acts of others.
His happiness was completely dependent upon himself. Others could not ruffle him or cause him sadness.
Some live their lives based upon what others will think. If others praise them, they are happy. If others denigrate him, he is sad.
The Torah teaches us various lessons to become a person, independent of other's actions.
1. Judge others favorably - is someone did something against you , you can judge them with the benefit of the doubt.
2. Build your self esteem, to not need approval of others for happiness.
3. Focus on Making Hash-m happy. If that is one's main concern, what others do or say become secondary or close to irrelevant. As long as I am doing what G-d wants from me from the Torah, I am doing fine.
Apparently that's what it means in Pirkei Avot "Jealousy, Pursuit of Honor and Desires take a man from the world." Why those things? Apparently when one lets the above three rule his life, he is dependent upon others for happiness.
If one instead puts G-d's satisfaction as his or her primary concern, he or she puts their happiness in their own hands. Their happiness in not dependent on others.
At times we ourselves act with hostility or anger. It is up to us to discover and pinpoint what causes this negative attitude.Was it a lack of respect on the part of the other? Chalk it up to a bad day.
Is it something they did? Forgive and forget!
But also we can ask ourselves why is that a sensitive point for me? Once you have an answer you can work on strengthening your resolve to not be affected. Eventually, you live a better life - for it becomes impervious to the arrows (intentional or unintentional) of others.
